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Who Am I?

Welcome to this healing blog.  This site focuses on writing; the content related to my professional healing practice has its own space.  Click here to enter that space. 

I practice as a Feldenkrais teacher, TARA Approach practitioner, and counselor who is trained in EMDR.  My own healing journey has flowed through developmental psychoanalysis, somatics, Karma Kagyu Buddhism, dance, and energy medicine. Essentially, I'm an indigenous American healer, born and raised in Austin, Texas. My healing gifts developed along several pathways over the years, all of which flow together and interweave as the need arises.

I've been in the performing arts for 30 years; I dance with my friends Julie Nathanielsz and Heloise Gold, both recipients of Austin Critics' Table awards for their work.  

I hope that your visit here finds you something to laugh about, something to think about, something to dream about. 

You can subscribe to the blog through the boxes on the right. 

Peace to all, and thanks for visiting.
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To Take The Music Back

Beginner riq lesson with Hossam Ramzy.

The riq is a complex instrument.  Very complex.  I knew that, but even learning a few basics was a lot harder than I'd thought. I kept having to stop and reorient myself.  He told me that this is the oldest known Egyptian instrument along with the harp--it's depicted on the walls of the Pharaoh tombs.  So it has a long history and a richness to it.

I listened, and tried, and listened, and tried.  I absorbed all I could in an hour.  Toward the end, he said, "I'm impressed."

I looked at him surprised.  He put down his riq (a beautiful custom piece, divine, irreplaceable) and said, "Look, I was watching you in the class last night.  You have what it takes to be an excellent musician.  You are sensitive.  You listen well.  You pick up things quickly. And every time I looked at you, you knew what I wanted you to change just from my eyes.  All of those things are the hallmarks of an excellent musician."

He must have seen the tears well up, because he said, "It's OK.  Tell me your history.  What have you played? When?"

So I told him about that, and about how I fell away/quit, and how I decided to come back to the drums literally only a few weeks ago.  He listened and finally said, "It's amazing isn't it, how people can be so ignorant in the world of music.  I guess it's that way everywhere but it shouldn't be that way.  Here is how you should practice." He laid it out for me, step by step. "Everyday.  Find a way to do this every day.  What do you think about coming to the south of England and doing an intensive with me next year?"

I looked at him for a long moment.  Finally I said, "How good do I have to be to benefit? I just started."

"That's not the way to think about it," he said. "It's more like, how good are you going to be when you leave.  We can do 6 days. Two hours a day.  It will cost you a hell of a lot of money.  And I have an amazing studio there with everything you can imagine. I'm putting it out there that you will come, because I feel that it would be the best. You have what it takes. Think about it."

I will think about it.
Yes. I will.

He also told me to look into getting an Emin riq.
Here is a nice video of Emin himself, playing his own instrument.  Sweetness.



Power, Love, Protection

Between all the laughter Jonathan said something really sweet to me yesterday.  He said, Elaine, you are one of those few women who genuinely possesses real power.  I think it brings up a lot for men. They don't know what to do with it. He also said to keep being extraordinary and keep being me.  My dear friend.  

True, yea? Along with the big power comes big love, big healing. I know that. People come through my life and the ones who want that stuff, the big power, love, healing, stay.  The ones who can't deal with it disappear.  You just can't stay around me if you can't handle those things or don't want those things.  I am a big generator and if you are not in the pocket with love and healing and power, your crazy is going to come up and destabilize you. This is exactly as it should be.  

Ever since the ritual with Artemis I feel things changing around that.  I asked that all people who don't truly appreciate me be cleared out. Anyone in my life who is selfish or has mixed intentions isn't going to be reappearing again after having done that. Circumstances are going to arise that prevent such persons from entering or re-entering my sphere.  There is some kind of big protection that opened up on another level through the ritual and the asking; I can feel it. Brian Kurtz told me long ago that I'm super protected anyway, from his point of view, and that's probably true.

Along those lines I am wondering about my South Texas trip.  Something doesn't feel quite on center with it. That dream, and a peculiar vibe.  I'm not sure; I'm sitting with it. It may be that I need to go for fewer days than I'd planned.  It's a strange place so part of the strangeness has to do with going there to begin with.  Yea? I'm not sure it's that I shouldn't go; it may be a matter of how I do it.  But if it seems like I shouldn't, I won't. Not sure. Sitting with it, feeling it out, listening and asking for guidance. There's time yet.

Today is a day full of movement.  Beautiful new people wanting movement and healing.  Riq lesson. Lots going on.  Movement.  Power, healing, love, protection. Go.

Food Is Love/The Master Drummer

Okay.  I guess I sort of understand why Jonathan thought I was funny earlier today.  I guess it is kind of funny, my whole thing about food, and all that.  I can't say why it is.  It must be because I was raised to find good cooking to be a serious affair.  Food ain't no joke.  You must do it right and if you don't do it right, you don't eat it--you toss it and start over.  That's how my mother does things and that's how I do things when I cook.  We ain't mucking around when it comes to food. 

Food is like love, right? Anybody can go to a restaurant and order a meal.  But if you do it yourself it's another thing.  A man would know he had arrived in my heart and my world the day I offered to make him a curry, or a marinated salmon dish, or a posole, or a tagine.  Especially a tagine.  To do a chicken green olive tagine with couscous properly, start to finish, takes almost five hours.  If I make a tagine for a man then he is a man I'm probably considering spending the rest of my life with.  No way that's not a serious thing.  Just no way.

Ya know?

Anyway.  I just spent four hours with the Master Drummer, Hossam Ramzy. I am in a sort of deep daze. It was amazing.  The way he tree-d out the progression from wahda kabira through maqsum-fallahy-zar-malfuf-khalidje-karachi was...Well, you can only get that kind of overview from someone who has the comprehensive knowledge of the entire Arabic percussion world that he does.  I actually remember him talking about this progression when they were here before, two years ago, but at the time I was so new to all things Arabic that the information didn't have anywhere to go in my brain.  But I remember him talking about wahda kabira, the mother rhythm, quite distinctly.  Who ever knew that I'd be sitting there tonight, learning the progression from him, on my own drum. I certainly would not have told you I'd be doing that AT ALL.  That was only two years ago too.  

Of course, I broke a blood vessel in my left ring finger within the first 15 minutes of the session.  That brought back memories.  I haven't done that in a long, long, long time.  It hurt like hell and I did what you do:  You keep playing.  After a while it all goes numb anyway.  If you can stand that first 30 to 40 minutes of agonizing pain, it will all get better after that.  I remember. And it did.

I decided to pay the money and do a beginner riq lesson with him too.  It just so happened a client canceled tomorrow so I can do it during that space in my day.  If there is anything I have clearly learned over the years of being an artist, it's this: Begin properly.  Do not skimp on your materials, your equipment, or your lessons.  A lesson with a master teacher like Hossam Ramzy will give you enough material to work with for probably two or three years as opposed to 10 or 20 or 30 lessons with lesser teachers. And not all master musicians and artists are master teachers.  It just so happens that he and Serena really value teaching and are great teachers because of it. It just isn't very often in life that you would get the chance to begin your training with such impeccable instruction.  This is all new, the tabla and riq, so I want to begin properly with the simple steps that can be built over the years into beautiful, thoughtful playing. The instructions he gave us for building tabla practice tonight look to me like they will, if followed, develop anyone into a pretty competent player within a couple of years.  It's that kind of systemic stuff that you can only get from a master teacher.

And then of course, you get to hear about the cultural influences, the history, the Arabic-Spanish-Portugal-Brazil connection through the music, food, architecture and art; how these rhythms traveled across North Africa with the spice caravans; the proper names for things, who they belong to and so forth.  And his stories about their travels, and people he's played with, and all that.

Really, just beautiful.  I'm spending all weekend studying with the lovely Serena.  Here she is in one of my favorite short clips of her.  Teaching a drum solo in what looks like her pajamas.  Because when you are the best, you can just roll right out of bed and teach like this.






Let's Talk About Sex, And Stuff

Session with Jonathan this morning.  I need to do one more after this to sort out residual shoulder stuff from old injuries and performing in Still Now.  I'm also seeing the Evil King of bodywork, Mark Hernandez, again next week to have him stick needles into me and partially paralyze my right leg again to stop this hamstring firing all over the place.  Fun times.  After this I should be good for quite a while though, if I don't do anything stupid to myself. 

It's so funny--Jonathan and I have known each other so long, and yet there is stuff he didn't know about me till today that I thought I'd told him before.  He didn't know the story of the Ex Husband's Black Wedding Night Lingerie, or any of that.  We got into this whole conversation about men and dating and stuff.  He kept bursting into laughter so hard that I thought he was going to cry at several different points (Or maybe he did, I don't know I wasn't looking) and at one point he had to walk out of the room for a little second because he just couldn't stop laughing.  Well hey.  I learned a lot about myself too, as it turned out.

He said, "Why don't you just go to dinner with some guys?"

"I HATE going to dinner!  I hate movies!  I hate all of that!" I declared.

"But why?" he wanted to know.

"I can't assess whether I'm sexually compatible with a guy by eating food with him!" I said.  "And if that isn't happening...If there's no sex, or it isn't good, or there's not enough, then you know what, there is NO POINT.  This will not be happening.  We will be friends, maybe. Long shot.  Actually, probably not."

"Would you cook dinner with a guy? Or for a guy?" he then wanted to know.

"Hell no!" I said. "I'm a really good cook.  In fact.  You just wouldn't see me doing any kind of food thing with a guy unless we had been seeing each other a while and having regular sex and that was, you know, really working.  Because why?  Why would I sit and talk to a man over dinner or cook for a man when that wasn't happening? Are you kidding me? That's, like, another level."  

I thought about it.  Finally I said, "Yea, if a guy finds himself eating food with me, that's like...He's arrived...I'm probably thinking about him like he's boyfriend material.  Before that? Oh la! I can't be bothered."

He found this almost unbearably hilarious.  I don't know why.  He has no idea.  I am like the Queen of Avoiding Having Dinner With You.  I am so good at, "Eh, that's OK," "I'm not hungry maybe another time," "Not today but thank you." I got called out on it only one time by a guy.  Heh. Anyway.  I'm glad Jonathan's in good health so I don't have to worry about his having a coronary, etc. during these conversations.

I also told him about my ex Grant and how he said to me when I was in Colorado, "Elaine, any man who goes out with you and either doesn't follow through with it, or thinks he needs to keep looking, doesn't have a commitment problem.  He has a stupidity problem.  Please don't be with anyone stupid. Please.  I will come from Colorado to Texas to spend time with you if it will keep you from being with someone stupid, I mean it."

Jonathan laughed at that too, and I said, "Yea, he said that to me months ago, but I only just now got it this morning.  It takes me a while sometimes, you know?"

Fun times. I guess that if I ever go out there and "date" again, I need to figure out how to have a conversation with guys about the "why aren't we having sex" issue. Is it because you don't think I'm sexy? Is it andropause? Is it that you're just too tired? Is it that your primary relationship is with a porn channel and yourself? I mean, I'm not sure how to go about it without triggering Guy Stuff and in fact maybe there's no way to do that at all.  Right? 

But, you know, in reflecting on it, I've done what Grant said.  I haven't been with anyone stupid.  Not at all. I'm doing good with that in spite of all the confusion and online dating and all those terrible and ridiculous things.  He would be proud. He really would. So I texted him to tell him thanks for what you said and I get it now.  

His answer:  Good going and remember girl, the border isn't that far away.  

Haha!!!

I Never Thought Of You As A Person Of Color

This is one I've been meaning to write for a while.

I've never thought of you as a person of color. I hear this more often than you would think.  People meet me some way, or know me from some context, and then eventually they find my website (which has a page for Persons of Color on it) or this blog, and then they say to me, "I never thought of you as a person of color." They are startled, surprised that I would refer to myself in this way.

What's interesting here:  people who say this to me are always, and I mean 100% of the time, white.  No person of color has ever said this to me. It's only white people who say it.  And it brings up a lot.  It brings up how being Asian makes me model minority, you know, well educated, well spoken, smart, so good a citizen that I'm practically white.  Frank Wu writes about this complex topic, the whole model minority thing, which is a challenging one to grapple.  Of course, Ms. Model Minority, in this case, isn't.  I'm atypical for an Asian American woman.  Asian Americans tend to be quite conformist and mainstream in this country, certainly not Gothic or tattooed or artists or any of that. But I do have the college education and all of that business too.  And I will freely admit to ruthlessly distancing white colleagues in my profession in a particularly Asian style.  

I mean yea.  Vietnamese women are strong, independent, loyal women who cook great meals, like to look pretty and like pretty things, and will pull a knife on you and cut your nuts off in a second if you try to threaten what they care about.  There is a lot of similarity between Vietnamese women and old school, strong Texas women and I'm both.  Take that for what it's worth.

I'm never sure what to say to the remark above.  I know, of course, that it's just an expression of the person's experience, and that they're trying to parse their own reality around it. I also know that part of the reason they don't see me this way is that they know me as I am now, an adult, with a college education.  They don't live inside my memory, where one of the first vivid things I experienced was hiding from Vietnam vets in the grocery store shouting Gook kid! at me. Or school, where it was Chinese Japanese, dirty knees, look at these, on a daily basis. Or all the stuff that happens still, all the time now, around men wanting me to be their Asian dominatrix or mistress or Oriental Fantasy Girl.  The people who say these things to me don't have those experiences or know about mine, so the person of color thing doesn't make sense to them.  

So complex.  Right? And I think about it a lot.  I wonder how much being a person of color makes me wary about things I wish I were freer about.  Like looking for love.  Frank Wu wrote something like, the thing about being a person of color is, you always wonder if you're being treated the way you are because of your race.  It's a question that never occurs to people who aren't perceived as persons of color.  Yea. So how do you sort that out? Is it really a big deal if a guy prefers Asian women, really any different than if he prefers blonde hair or big boobs? 

I mean who knows.  There's no right answer.  So, when people say to me, I never saw you as a person of color, I look at them thoughtfully.  And I say, I understand that.  But, you know what?  I am.  I have that experience. It's true.

Hopefully it gives something to be thought about, another view of the world, to deepen understanding.

Looking Back. With Compassion.

I was thinking today about the five months from mid June thru now and feeling compassion for all the stuff I was struggling with over the summer.  God.  I was really not in good shape.  I was so confused and sad and things were all over the place.  I feel sorry for that me, the one who was trying so hard to heal, trying to do the "right thing" and "get herself out there" and all of that, and just the thought of it makes me sad for her, for myself.

I had a good e-mail exchange with M, paramedic. He was and is not seeing anyone else.  It isn't that he thinks I'm not someone he would date--he enjoys the time we spend together; he's genuinely really busy with work, and he didn't know what I was looking for.  It was surprising and it felt good to hear all of that. I know I'm terrible at saying "what I'm looking for," it's a question so far out of line with how I see human beings, and relationships, and the World--I don't even know how to answer it.  I don't look for most of the time; I just look, and I see what's there, and I go into things, really get IN there, find out, feel things.  That's how I do. I've never made lists of what I'm looking for when it comes to human beings.  Which is why I made jokes when the client asked me about it the other night. I didn't know quite how to say, "My brain doesn't even work that way actually."

I said that I miss being with him and want to be around him, that's what I know for sure.  I hope that answer is enough for him because it's the truth and I can't answer the question any other way.  I am sure I've seemed very ambivalent during the time we have known one another, but the fact of the matter was that I've been ill and confused for a vast majority of that time period, not trying to create problems.  I don't think I'm exactly 100% even as of yet but I'm a hell of a lot better than I was, and am going to get even better as time goes by.

It's hard, you know?  Hard to know there is a 'script' for doing this out there, that I don't know what it is, that I probably couldn't follow it properly even if I did know. That's part of what made going on dates so depressing--I always knew that there was a sequence of things I was 'supposed' to be doing or saying or ways men were expecting me to be, and I had no idea what that was.  It was extremely stressful and I don't think it was good for me emotionally, although I fully understand my therapist's point about hiding too much and her worry that I would just continue to withdraw further and further as time went by.  She was right to be concerned; I just don't think either she or I knew how stressful or confusing these experiences would be for me.  

Closing the door to all of that was the right choice and maybe happened a little later than it really should have.  It just brought to the surface all the ways in which I feel "othered," as a woman, as a professional, as a person of color, as an artist, ALL the ways I don't fit in.  It also brought to the surface the ugly things about being a woman in America, what the things are that really give you value.  Basically, the best thing you can be in America to get dates with men is thin.  Everything else about you is a far second to that one thing.  If you are thin lots of men will ask you out and want to have sex with you (or say they do) or whatever.  If you are also Asian and tattooed then you will REALLY have a lot of men who want to ask you out and have sex with you, and if you are also a dancer on top of that, you can probably have a lot of sex if you want to as long as it's not with anyone nice. Thin+Asian+tattooed+dancer = Major Fetish Sex Object/Fantasy for a helluva lot of guys.  

So.  If nothing else, be thin. That's your ticket to being desirable. Being smart and well educated is a far distant third or fourth asset and in many cases actually seems to make men resentful; I can't tell you how many times the air in the room changed when I finally had to say I had a masters' degree because I couldn't explain what I did for work any other way.  The response generally wasn't positive. I ended up feeling like I was expected to dumb myself down, which felt like needing to apologize for having worked hard and overcome major obstacles in order to better myself.  And well, I couldn't do that, because I was often sitting there with middle class white men, men who have been handed the best of what this country has to offer and the most chances from Jump Street, whereas I never got handed shit.  I am a sweet person and I don't need to compete with a man but I just can't go there. I can't apologize for being smart and working hard.

It was just too much for me really.  It's over.  And I'm relieved and glad.  M said he did want to try to see me. I hope we can. I always liked him the best because I never felt that resentment from him.  Around him, I felt beautiful and sexy, appreciated, not like I needed to crawl into a corner and act smaller than I was.  Even so, I realize that I fully expected him to reject me or hold me at arms' length because we come from such different worlds and because he, too, is a middle class white man. But perhaps that's not the case. 

Even if it was or it is, I can't help being who I am.  My life is very different than that of most people.  I set my own schedule. I work by myself, and I spend all day in the world of stories, deep healing of trauma, different forms of the dream state, teaching movement, helping others.  Then I go and I dance or I play music or I write or just sit and sip rum and think about things, art making, my friends, relationships, love, the spirit world, stuff like that.  

There is pretty much nothing about my life that parallels a mainstream American life.  And that's my real life, what I just described.  There are no trips to the mall or girls nights out or any of that typical stuff at all. My life is an artist's life, a healer's life, a very idiosyncratic healer's life at that. It is the life of a village healer but it's hidden away in the middle of a growing American city.  It is a life more suited to a yurt in the woods than the swanky enclave of downtown hipsterish Austin. I don't watch TV.  I don't drink or use drugs except for the teeny tiny glasses of rum now and then. I read books and write stuff that could become books.  I think my life is a beautiful and precious little thing, but when I come into contact with people who look down on me for living as I do and being so different, I feel shamed, and like I can't be myself.  

I noticed how, during the time I was going on dates, I kept changing the way I described myself.  I kept trying to find a way that men would accept.  I never found it. It was really weird.  That's why it wasn't good for me.  I think that, generally, people do not believe that someone as different as myself could be not only good but exceptionally good at what she does.  Mainstream people believe that in order to be extra competent you have to be a better version of what that society thinks is acceptable.  There is really no framework for someone as individualistic as myself to also be extremely smart, clean, together, competent in something like a licensed profession.  It's sad, you know? No room for me, in society, in the minds of men, in my field.  No home.  No place.  It mirrors the emptiness and loneliness of my childhood in some ways, and the displacement of my own mother, who had to leave behind everything that she knew and come to a new world that had no place for her, either.  It makes me sad.

I think I have to do a little healing from all that, the wound of otherness that perhaps never heals, and be good to myself, be around my own people, ask for support from the World, dance, the arts, my friends, love myself, you know?

To Call In

Sometimes, as a healer, you get a vision, or a feeling, about someone you're helping. That something is coming up on them.  Something they don't know about, which makes them especially vulnerable.  You see it, or you feel it when they suddenly cross your mind.

Tonight I picked up the shamanic drum and did something new.  There's a particular person who's very vulnerable right now who is on my mind.  I reach out and there is no response to my contacts. So, after contemplating it all day, I came home tonight and picked up the drum and did a call in with what I see about the person.  In going there, I turned the scene around in its positioning, changed the boundaries, set up protective measures and sent in positive interference.  

I drummed until my arms hurt, switching sides several times because it was so hard to do.  But I did as much as I could until I had to finish because I couldn't do it any more.

Then I set the drum down, laid my phone down in front of me, and waited.

Three minutes later, a green balloon pops up.

It says: I'm OK.

I nod.  Good.

Just another day in the life.  Let's celebrate that with a little video of  three dudes going batshit crazy on a fallahi. Shall we?  Dance, y'all.




Improvement

Housemate is doing better already.  Even after one pass.  Jonathan is getting his back straightened out.  He said he feels less edgy and anxious. I'm leaving him some space to process what we did before suggesting another approach.  The stuff that comes up in deep healings is often very surprising for people, and they need time to digest and contemplate it.  

You have to understand, my housemate is not a New Age guy.  He is a spiritual person, I think, but he's ex-military, career professional, who handles teams of men going at each other all day long at his workplace.  High stress, lots of responsibility. So he went some places that I think really surprised him and he needs some Dude Time to let it absorb.  Which I'm giving him. No worries. He has an appointment with Allen next week to start looking into the chemical sensitivity stuff.  I know Western medicine likely has nothing for him other than suggesting psychiatric drugs, which is not what he needs at all.  He's not nuts; he's sick because of previous chemical exposure to God knows what. So that route should prove more helpful I think.  

Healing is a fascinating thing.  I am pretty sure on the gut level that within three years most of what I am going to be doing is altered-state healing stuff.  It's so funny that at one time I thought I was going to become a psychoanalyst.  I still love analytic work and concepts, but through the lens of trauma and altered-state treatment, a lot of it seems really archaic now.  Someone said to me the other day, "Am I resisting this?" and I said, "There's no such thing. Here, hold these," and I pushed the little green buzzers into their hands.  Haha. The old boys would have been turning over in their graves.

There's a place for both though I think.  Understanding is important--how we became who we are, how our belief system formed, how we 'hold' the formative figures of our upbringing in our psyche.  Understanding, however, is not healing.  You need both, like prajna and vajra, two wings of a bird. Direct experience and intellectual wisdom.  Healing is the direct experience part. Yea?

I'm reformulating how I want to refer to the 'other world.' There is not an other world; it's the World, that's all.  The issue is, there is not a common framework for speaking about altered state experience in this culture except as some kind of 'other.' But as Buffalo said, it comes through all of the time, and mostly, we freak out when it does.  From the Buddhist perspective, it comes through every time you are surprised--when something doesn't happen you thought would happen, or does happen that you thought wouldn't. Those are moments of the "other world" which is really just The World.  And when you try to explain this, it sounds like you are talking in circles, because the prajna doesn't make sense without the vajra, direct experience. The bird flaps around in a circle with only one of these.

Conundrum.  Keep working on it.


The Diagram Of Stuff; EMDR And Psychic Folks

I got so irritated at my friend the other week when he suggested I should find a "cynical New Age guy." I was like, "What are you talking about? Me? Why on Earth would that be a fit?"

"Well, you know, all that stuff you do, meditation, shamanic stuff, all that," he said, and I burst out laughing.  I said, "Is that what you think all that's about? New Age stuff?  Like angels and affirmations and 'The Secret'? I thought you knew me better than that."

"Well, so you tell me what that's all about," he offered.

I said, "Look.  My guess is that all of these things point to the same place, which is alterations in brainwaves, different levels of brain regulation.  From experience, I would say that EMDR is the top layer, the one that's most easily accessible from ordinary reality.  As you go down another level you have drumming, deeper meditation practice and medium trance state stuff.  At the bottom you have Tantric practice and extended trance in a group setting.  This would be my guess about the various layers.  But I'm going to guess that one could conceivably and reliably map what each of these affect to various regions of the brain and the changes that occur.  

"What I know as a healer is, talking is not part of what causes deeper change when it comes to trauma and shock.  The altered state stuff is what seems to create lasting change, the destabilizing of traumatic patterns on a more permanent basis. That's why most of what I do with people involves either preparing them for or taking them into that place. It just seems to be what works."

He digested that for a long moment.  Finally he said, "Alright, I get it. So this is not about New Agey stuff at all.  I take back what I said.  You need a man with the mind of a military scientist and a huge sex drive."

"Sounds about right," I agreed.

I was thinking today too about the differences in EMDR processing.  I have noticed that people with strong psychic and/or mediumistic tendencies tend to process quite differently than people without those gifts.  They seem to process more unilaterally, like multiple channels at the same time. It's kind of like what happens when you put WD-40 on something.  You know how WD-40 is so slippery and diffuses so quickly that an even coat of it ends up on everything around the thing you are trying to loosen?  It's a lot like that.  

We begin with one point in the EMDR and people who are naturally psychic/dream state folks run a handful of channels at the same time, as opposed to the linear way it works with most people.  As it happens, I have a rather large number of people like this as clients so I get to see this again and again.  It's very intriguing.  They are also often very tired after sessions, so part of what we have to build in is self-care time and making sure there's enough space between sessions to restore and continue the process.

One of my clients--this was so touching--gets an aura photograph done every year.  She brought in the ones before we started working together and the one since then.  All the ones before I met her showed angry red and yellow clouds, heavy looking, that obscure her form.  The one she just had done shows a clear, stacked rainbow of multiple brilliant colors around her head and you can see her face.  I was speechless.  She cried and cried as she showed this to me.  All she could say was, "Look. Look."

It was such an amazing thing.  I don't know anything about aura photography but I know what the photos showed and it was astounding.

Healing.  Good stuff. So beautiful.